Somebody's Baby
by planet p
Summary: Kim's thoughts after Anna reveals that Martin and she are an item at work. Episodic ff for 1.6 "Lokkeduen." Spoilers up to that episode! Anna/Martin


**Somebody's Baby** by planet p

**Disclaimer** I don't own _Anna Pihl _or any of its characters.

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Anna had said that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend, but he knew she'd only been telling a half truth. The reason she hadn't been looking was because she already had a boyfriend. She'd said that she didn't want a boyfriend, but it was younger people who called their romantic partners by such names. Martin wasn't just Anna's boyfriend; to her, he was someone to confide in, someone with whom she could express her true self, and someone whom she could care for and make herself a part of his life without having to fear upsetting him or flustering him.

That was what Anna saw him as, he thought, then; a flustering influence; unwanted. But he could not help the way he felt about her, could he? And her saying that she didn't want to muck up the great friendship that they had - well, he didn't buy it for a single second! A real friend would have been honest about her relationship with another man, would have told him before announcing it at work before everyone he worked for, and everyone who had probably known before him. After all, Mikala's comments had certainly tasted of prior knowledge, in retrospect, and Anna had found it amusing! Amusing, to toy with their friendship that way, when supposedly their friendship had meant so much to her.

He'd been relieved for her (and glad to know that she'd taken the pepper spray when she'd gone out undercover), and hurt that she'd been hurt the way she had, the close call that she'd had. He'd wanted to tell her how proud he was of her, and how he never wanted to lose her because then... because then he'd have lost a friend, someone for whom he both cared and respected as a person.

But now, all he could feel was embarrassment, and as though she'd taken his friendship in disregard, as though she felt that he would always be around, through thick and thin, no matter what, because of his unrequited love for her, his obsession with her that so frightened her that she couldn't even put five words together to let him down with some semblance of kindness: Martin and I are an item.

She'd told him that she wasn't interested in their becoming more than friends, but she'd lied when she'd said she wasn't craving the same thing from someone else, and he didn't think it had been a nice thing for her to do. He felt bad for her, too. She was acting the same way that Martin had towards Laura, with a distinct lack of regard because it was too hard, or because she thought it should be so clear, but in his opinion Martin hadn't done the right thing by Laura at all, and now Anna was acting out that same behaviour that was sure to get her nothing but exactly that in return. He didn't want that for her, he wanted better for her; underneath, she was a wonderful, lovely, caring person; a good person. It hurt him to see her acting so differently, so one-track.

He just hoped she remembered the things that were important to her, too; her little boy, her father, her friendships. He hoped she wasn't so desperate for someone's affections, someone's approvals, that she overlooked all of those who already felt so much for her, who already respected and approved of her. If she couldn't see all of that, then he couldn't help but feel a great, gloomy sadness for her. Did she think Martin was what she needed? Did she think her little boy, her father, Jan even, weren't up to the same par as Martin? Or did she just think Martin would make it all better the way Mikkel's father had failed to do? (His leaving her only to show up with a new girlfriend on much too a regular basis.) Her own father had failed to do? (Her mother dying; her father's grief and then his burgeoning relationship with a younger woman.)

Martin wasn't the only man in the world, he thought, but perhaps Anna saw something in him that he couldn't; perhaps Anna could be good for him and maybe she could bring out the really good side of him that he'd stashed away along the way because, sometimes, it had just hurt too much to leave it all out there, on the surface. For Anna's sake, and the sake of Anna's loved ones, he dearly, dearly hoped that would be the case. He hoped Martin was what she needed, and not just what she was looking for, not just what she thought she needed, what she wanted. He hoped Martin wasn't just a couple of nice words, a handful of compliments, a bit of fun and someone warm to hug once in a while, when the fancy came upon her; her hoped that Anna hadn't forgotten that relationships were a two-way street and more than just what someone else could do for you, but also what you could do for them, and what, through your interaction with them, you could do for yourself.

He hoped Anna had chosen for the good, he hoped she was doing a good thing for herself. If she'd done that, at least, if she got that much out of her relationship with Martin, at least, then he could be as embarrassed as he pleased and still put all that aside and just be happy for her. He couldn't begrudge her her happiness, her joy to be alive and to be able to share that life with someone else.

After all, it wasn't a contest, it was up to Anna who she chose to be with, to chose who she cared for and didn't, but it was also up to him to do the same; whether or not Anna was with Martin, that wouldn't change that he cared for her and wanted to be there for her. She had said that she'd wanted their friendship to go on, and he hoped that it would. Perhaps, after all of this horrible business with Laura's murder and all of those other women who'd been abused was over, perhaps then she'd remember him again and what she'd said; perhaps she'd take an interest in their friendship again.

She had taken the pepper spray, hadn't she? he reminded himself. Yes, she had done that. But he wondered why she had, in the end, and why she'd hesitated, to begin with. He was sure, had it been Eva offering her it, she'd not have hesitated for a second.

Putting aside his confusing thoughts, however, he was just glad that Anna was alive and well... even if it was a fact that he would only be allowed to enjoy, to be glad of, from a comfortable distance, from afar. There were others, others who needed Anna much more than him, who still had her because she was okay, because she hadn't become another of The Red Indian's victims. _You look after her, Martin, better than you did with Laura_, he thought firmly. _If there is something that doesn't add up, don't just rush to get away, investigate why, ask her why; she's worth it, trust me, and if you hadn't been in such a hurry to leave Laura, to get her out of your hair, you'd have seen that she was, too. She was somebody's baby, you know, and now somebody is missing their child because she's dead. Don't make the same mistake with Anna._


End file.
